Hypocrites, Imposters, and the Mystical Everyman.

The mega preacher was noting that the word hypocrite has an antiquated usage, where it originally referred to actors wearing masks, such as in the theater.  In the old Greek.

Then we come forward to modern times, with Imposter Syndrome.  I was thinking how much that is hit or miss, in retrospect, me in a temp job, an imposter, but not feeling like that, being quite comfortable in the office environment: relaxed, but focused.  

Calm, cool and collected.  Relaxed such that I could sound semi-formal, which a lot of customers like, friendly and helpful, and it really put me in a status to advocate for my product with those customers.

Didn't feel like an imposter.  Felt good.  Later, I think maybe I was an imposter.  

As a Census Enumerator, an imposter in all ways, too unable to get over myself to represent the Census effectively.

And here, James Finley and company talking about Meister Eckhardt appearing in a vision to a man, and he appeared....

without a face.

Which would be the opposite of hypocrisy.  Not affecting distinguishing features, but shunning them, as the person noted: "he appeared as Everyman."

But aren't we all, in part, the Everyman when we embrace mysticism and contemplation?  Do we not all feel part of something, be it exclusively from our fellows, or such as from nature, or both, part of something much more profound than just one person, indeed, maybe even a shard of the deity?

All the while, not feeling like an Imposter, in the satellite office for a one-off assignment, I'm being told our work app says the GPS claims I'm down the street at that moment, and not sitting in the office at the desk.  The satellite office manager is on the phone with the general manager, the senior manager for the district, telling her I am in fact right there in the room at that moment, at my desk for the afternoon, and she can actually hear my breathing.

Incidentally, that same spot where the GPS located me, is where I would buy gas in that part of the country, one of the Corner Cupboard stores.  Talk about Imposter Syndrome, hypocrites and pretenders, usurpers, and all, and its got my shifted in the time stream, pinged probably from so many moments earlier.

150 feet off the mark.

Which was probably true, too, of my own perception in that time, being the Imposter but not feeling like one, being the true obverse of the earnest employee that feels like an Imposter.  Too dumb, too ghetto, too gangster to feel like an Imposter: Hernon D'Mkl, German Lassiter and all, the Sunshine Superman.

A walking talking comic book, not unlike, in presentation, the commemorative Chicken McNugget Tetris game in China.

It's like slipping in and out of the Flow State, where I'm probably fouling-up the entire works, but I'm too tripped into my Flow State to know I'm ruining everything for everyone, and then afterward, I have that private moment of shame, long after, days or week after, in my own rooms.  Kind of a decompression chamber, where good feelings go to die, and we are constantly on the look out, R&D, for that next thing that might spark a Flow State.

The next job, or the next challenge.

Mind, I was making those Gumroad spreadsheets during the time I had that job, a tax representative, which turned out to be mostly calls to customer leads.  I had a good little routine of being in anticipation of afternoon caffeine, watching a tractor pull.  A data analyst, excited about getting an iced coffee and watching the tractor pull on the farmer network, and during this fit of excitement, I would make a personal productivity sheet, something like either a time log, an expense tracker, or an income and expense tracker.  I would prepare the things on Google Sheets, maybe test them in the current stable version of Excel, make my screenshots, upload and post them for sale, and that, of course, at the princely sum of 3-5 dollars where others charge 10-20 dollars.  I later made them free, but with a suggestion to make a donation to the publisher.

All good times, flying right along, between tasks, having both scheduled things, and moments of inspiration, being quite often in the state of Flow in which I was just working so efficiently and effectively.

But as we know, for the self-employed, its often a thing of questing to find the next paying assignment.